How to Derive Value from Criticism (Your "Haters" Are a Blessing, Not a Curse)

Photo by Brodie Vissers 

It can be difficult not to react badly when we feel insulted or criticized. Particularly when our "attackers" are an anonymous legion, which is often the case in this day and age. People are less likely to hate on us to our faces, but have no problem launching a smear campaign over social media.

This is great news for you, my friend. I want you to come away from this post with a newfound appreciation for the people (ahem, trolls) who peck at you. In fact, I want you to feel flattered!

This advice applies to your day-to-day life, too, not just the internet.

You've likely heard the expression "any press is good press," or some derivative of that idea. This absolutely is true.

If people are hating on you, they:

• Are threatened by you.
• Are jealous of you.
• Are using you as an immediate target to assuage their own feelings of inferiority.
• Are just crappy people and, in that case, who cares what they think?

Internet trolls, bullies, your mother-in-law. It's truly not personal. If someone is focusing on you so much that they're going to take potshots at you, you've got your mental hooks in them. Otherwise, they wouldn't be concerned with you.  

Having someone's attention is a massive compliment. You've got some kind of power over that person; they're choosing to fixate on you.

So, you've got that going for you. 

But what about valid criticism? There's enormous value in having our flaws or weaknesses mirrored back at us. So often, we don't know we need improvement until someone else points it out.

Photo by Nicole de Khors from Burst

What if instead of feeling hurt or offended when someone says something uncomplimentary or critical about us, we detach ourselves from the situation for a moment. Take a few deep breaths. 

What if there's a grain of truth in what they're saying about us?

The universe often uses other people to assist us on our self-growth journey. And, instead of reacting out of pride, we can calmly examine the input we're getting and see if there's a pertinent message there for us. Maybe this criticism can help us improve?

And that's what we want, right? To become better people?

Honest criticism, like pain, is merely information. It's up to us to master ourselves enough to the point where we can use that information to progress. So, really, if we're truly on a journey to become better people, we should thank others for their input. However much it may sting. 

Often, it seems like there's one person in our lives who constantly "picks" on us. In my case, it's my mother. As I've gotten older, I've realized how much offense I take at her comments. I sometimes even find criticism in innocuous comments she makes, as if I believe she's trying to insult me in a low-key way. 

Now that I've realized I react this way to her, I can make a decision. I can fixate on what I perceive to be her bad treatment of me and stay angry at her, or I can be objective about the information she's giving me. And there's truth in some of the things she says to me. These are things I need to improve and work on. 

"But," some of you might be thinking, "I'm constantly criticized by ---, but they react angrily if I ever say anything to them about their flaws."

You can't control what other people do. You can only control what you do. There's no need to lower yourself to another person's level.

So, next time you receive criticism or feedback:

• Remain calm; take deep breaths.
• Before reacting, think about the information. Is there truth in what they're telling you?
• Thank them for the feedback (and try to do this in a sincere way, not in a way that could come across as snarky).
• Record the information in a journal or notebook so you can reflect on it and come up with strategies for improvement. 

There's an awesome quote I've been seeing on social media lately: When angry, be silent.

I love that. Not only because it keeps you from escalating a situation or saying something you'll regret, but because it scares the shit out of other people. Quiet anger is scary, guys.